Ross recommends that we read “A Passion for More” by Susan Shapiro Barash, c 2001 Berkeley Hills Books, ISBN 1-893163-24-5. It is an outstanding book that includes the interviews of 57 women who had extra marital affairs.
Every woman had something missing in her marriage. Each woman filled the missing need by taking a lover. Some of the women felt guilt about it, but most did not. In all cases, the women were happy they did it, as it ultimately led her to greater enlightenment and fulfillment.

For almost all the women, they had much better sex with their lover than with their husband. For a few, the sex was better with the husband. In all cases, the woman’s thoughts were consumed with the man that she had the most exciting sex.
For some women, she had great sex with the man because she felt close to him. But for most of the women, she became close to him because she had great sex with him.

One could conclude from this book that a woman has four basic needs that must be met: 1) affirmation, 2) sharing, 3) to feel like a woman, and 4) exciting sex. 1) Affirmation, in that she needs to feel appreciated and respected for the individual that she is. She needs to know that she is supported in her endeavors. 2) Sharing, in that she has the need to share her feelings with her man and to receive the sharing from her man. She needs to be able to “communicate” emotionally with her man and to feel that “emotional connection.” 3) Feel like a woman, in that she needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all that comes with being a woman. 4) Exciting Sex, in that she needs to be seduced, excited, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles.

As I was reading this book, I thought to myself many times: “Major Mark told us exactly that in his book ‘Scoring with Married Women.’ In fact, it showed that every single word he wrote is absolutely true. You would understand if you had read both books.
I have taken a few quotes from “A Passion for More” to give you a flavor for the book. Because these are very minimal quotes, they are thus by definition taken out of context. Certainly, each woman’s situation was more involved. But it gives you an idea…
Honey: “The affair awakened me sexually. I felt more uninhibited with my lover than with my husband. We had anal sex. He was a superb lover. I could have multiple orgasms with him, which wasn’t happening in my marriage at the time. I was obsessed with him when he wasn’t around, although we were together a few days a week.”

Kristen: “I needed him to be there to hug me and to tell me it was okay. I knew all along that this man wasn’t what I wanted. But if sex was what it took, that was fine. I had to get by. The sex was all right, but nothing special. I let this one end fairly quickly.”
Lucy: “The sex was excellent because he was so skilled. It was a learning experience for me. At first I slept with both my husband and this man; eventually I had sex only with my lover. It was hot. We had sex every possible way. For almost a year there was an intense, hot situation. The sex was wild and continual.”
Sandy: “It was a wonderful sexual and emotional union and I never felt guilty. My lover adored me. He thought I was beautiful and gave me everything I wanted. The sex was loving and gentle but also uninhibited and open. We’d have sex everywhere. We did it in restaurants, in the back of the movie theatre. Wherever we were, we did it. If we went away, we’d do it on a mountain cliff, in the beach, in the car all the time, in the buggy ride in the city.”
Hanna: “The sex was very exciting in the beginning. I’d see him daily sometimes, other times a few days a week, so there was lots of sex. Because he accepted me, I was able to play out sexual fantasies. The fantasies were things I would have done with my husband if he’d been willing. But with my lover there was no question that he was willing. My relationship with my lover made me see myself as a whole person and I rejected my husband’s needs. My lover was reinforcing. He made me feel beautiful.”
Rebecca: “Sex with my lover was very different than with my husband. Now I think of my lover as very handsome, but in the beginning my husband seemed handsomer.”
Marsha: “I’d see him once a week, and we’d dance and have sex. It was incredible beyond my wildest imaginings. It became an obsession. If I couldn’t see him, I’d flip. We went right to his place and made passionate love. The sex was like nothing you could ever imagine.”
Maryanne: “As soon as we began the affair, I began to feel good about myself. Mostly it was the sex. We share an incredible sex life.”
Marla: “The affair began during a bad point in my marriage. I suppose I became obsessed after a time. The sex was great. It was the best I’ve ever had. We did everything. We did it against the washer and dryer. The sex was beyond belief. The best in the world. We did it on the train tracks, we did it in bars. He would masturbate me at a crowded bar. We did it in the Tavern, in the ladies room. It was wild and highly sexual.”

Julie: “The sex was hot and heavy, very passionate. I was told I was sexy, beautiful, and smart. I felt like a woman again. I began to realize that I needed a lot from a man that I wasn’t getting from my husband. Intimacy, communication, sex - I got it all from my lover. I began to identify myself as a sexual being; that was a big deal to me. And I loved the glamour of it, not just being a housewife and a mom, but having a lover with a secret world. We fulfilled each other’s fantasies for a long time.”
Karen: “The sex in this affair is what keeps it going. It is the most amazing ever. Whenever I’ve been with a lover, I’ve had sex that goes on and on, but nothing like this. I have noticed the difference between clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm. The sex with my latest lover is in a class by itself. I know the volume of orgasms is much greater with my lover than with my husband. I can’t describe it. I do things with my lover that I’d never do with my husband, never. We try everything, we did it eight and ten times a night. I think of him when I’m having sex with my husband. I think about him a lot of the time.”

Chelsea: “We had a lot of sex. The sex was very different from the marriage. Sex in my marriage stunk by them. It was weird how willing my lover was to try anything and so was I. It was a completely different experience. I found myself doing sexual things I never expected to do.”
Robin: “While sex with my husband has always been fine, it was not great. With my lover, it’s so incredible it’s hard to give up. Then the sex became wild and crazy. We did it every way possible, we invented things. We went beyond expectations, beyond anything I ever dreamed of”
Nicole: “The relationship was sexual. It was all about sex. Sex like I’d never known before, total abandon’ no part of my body seemed uninteresting. In fact, it was all extremely interesting to him. Nor was any part of my body unworthy of exploration. I’d blink and hours would be gone. That was how it seemed when we were together. I mean my eyeballs would roll. There are few men who can stay with that kind of thing, that kind of sex. I believe it an unusual man who puts a woman ahead of himself in bed.”
Kate: “Sex with him was the most wonderful experience. He was a thrilling man, in every way. The sex was unique, always different, always incredible. I began to feel sexual; I could demand good sex with my lover. I didn’t sleep with my husband at all.”
And here is a letter that showed up in a national publication. Mark Cunningham read it to his students in his course “Building a Better Girlfriend.”
“I’m a single average looking business man in my mid forties. During the past three years I’ve slept with every married woman I have desired.
I meet them in super markets, bookstores, and record shops.
I invite them for coffee, and the rest is easy.
From these encounters, I have observed the following:
1. I’ve not met a woman whose husband has made love to her properly in the past six months.
2. Many of these women had never had a multiple orgasm. Two had never had orgasms until we went to bed.
3. None of these women experienced any major guilt from these encounters.
4. Most view they are neglected, and view our time as luxurious sin. In the mean time, I’ve collected a casual harem.
I’m never pushy, they call me.
Can you explain why so many men are such neglectful lovers?” Signed T.G.