Anxiety is often the cause of premature ejaculation. In an extramarital relationship a man may ejaculate assoon as he penetrates his partner’s vagina,despite the fact that he does not have thisproblem with his wife. This is a sign of guilt. Aman may also ejaculate before he wishes to if hefeels frightened that his technique is not goodenough, and ejaculating quickly will prevent himfrom having to reveal his lack of experience.

Believing that sex is bad

because of what you were told as a child isanother possible cause of premature ejaculation.If as a boy, you were punished for masturbating,you may have taught yourself to come quickly tolessen the chance of being found out and tominimize the guilt you felt at your own pleasure.

Fear of getting too close

to another person may also be a contributingfactor. Intimacy always brings with it the risk ofloss, and the unbearable pain attendant on thatloss. Subconsciously, a man who gets sex overwith quickly may be trying to protect himself fromclose emotional involvement.

Several techniques can

help men last longer, and these should be used in conjunction with examining the cause ofthe problem. Understanding what is wrong oftenbrings its own release. The stop-start technique for delaying ejaculation

The aim of these exercises is to learn to keep yourself below the point at which ejaculation seemsinevitable for as long as possible. Men who donot have a partner can practice the first threesteps. In them selves, they will help you gain agreater measure of control. For the final foursteps you will need the co-operation of a partner.
* Step one Masturbate with a dry hand. Avoid fantasizing, and concentrate insteadon the sensation in your penis. Allow thepleasure to build up but stop immediately you feelyou are about to lose control. Relax for a while,still keeping your mind free of fantasies, until thedanger of ejaculation has passed, then beginagain. Following the same pattern, aim tocontinue stopping and starting for 15 minuteswithout orgasm. You may not be able to manageit at first, but keep trying. As you get morepracticed, you will probably find you have to stopless often. When you have completed three15-minute sessions on three consecutive occasions (not necessarily one immediately afterthe other!), proceed to step two.
* Step two involves masturbating with a lubricating jelly to heighten sensation, and makedelay more difficult. Follow the technique in step one until you have completed three separateconsecutive sessions as above.
* Step three You will now have gained a good measure of control. The next step involvesmasturbating with a dry hand for 15 minutesbefore ejaculation. Keep focusing on your penis rather than fantasizing. When you feel yourselfgetting dangerously excited, don’t stop, butinstead, change rhythm or alter your strokes insuch a way that the pressure to ejaculate fades.Experiment to see which strokes excite you most,and which allow you most control. Work on this step until you have completed three consecutivesessions as before.
* Step four Now involve your partner. Lie on your back and get her to masturbate you witha dry hand, as in step one. Concentrate on thesensations in your penis and ask her to stopevery time you get too aroused before the 15
minutes is up. The aim is to last for threeconsecutive 15-minute sessions.
* Step five Repeat step four, but ask your partner to use a lubricant while she masturbatesyou. You will find ejaculation much more difficultto control, and you may have to ask her to stopmore often. Once you have mastered three consecutive 15-minute sessions, you are ready totry the stop-start technique with intercourse.
* Step Six The best position for delaying ejaculation is with the woman on top. Once youare inside her, ask her to move gently. Put yourhands on her hips so that you can let her knowwith your hands when you want her to stop, andwhen you are ready for her to start again. Again,aim to last for 15 minutes, but if you can’t, don’tworry; you can start again once you recover yourerection, and the second time you will probablyhave more control. During intercourse,concentrate entirely on yourself. Give yourpartner your full concentration and bring her to
orgasm either before or afterwards, with oral ormanual stimulation.
* Step seven Move on to other positions.

It is more difficult to delay -ejaculation with theman on top, so save this until last.
The squeeze technique fordelaying ejaculation
The ’squeeze’ action is designed to cause your erection to subside, and it can beapplied every time you get too close toejaculation. Your partner performs the squeezeby gripping your penis firmly, and pressing withher thumb on the frenulum. This is the place onthe underside of the penis where the head joinsthe shaft. At the same time, she presses on theopposite side of the penis with her forefinger, andwith her other fingers curled round the shaft. It is important that she presses fairly hard on thepenis and doesn’t move her hand while doing so.
Too light a touch could cause you to ejaculatestraight away.

* Step one Get your partner to masturbate you with a dry hand. Any time you get too close toejaculation, signal to her to stop and squeezeyour penis. As with the stop-start technique, aimto last for three consecutive 15minute sessions before moving on to step two.
* Step two get your partner to masturbate you slowly and gently as before, but this time ask herto use a lubricant. Follow the procedure for step one.
* Step three now you are ready for intercourse, but not for thrusting. Instead, lie on your back andask your partner to sit on top of you, with yourpenis inside her. Neither of you should move. Assoon as you feel the urge to come, your partnershould rise off you (this movement is dangerousas it applies stimulation), and immediately holdyour penis in the squeeze grip. Repeat theexercise a couple of times before you allowyourself to ejaculate.
* Step four When you feel more confident about your self-control, ask your partner to move gentlywhile she sits on top of you in the same position.When you feel the urge to ejaculate, she shouldmove off you and squeeze as before, until youcan last 15 minutes without ejaculating.
* Step five you are now ready to try other positions, but remember that with the man on top,you will have least control. As with the stop-starttechnique, during intercourse you should focus allattention on yourself. Your partner will not feelneglected if you bring her to orgasm orally or manually either before or after intercourse.