Clearly, men with long-term partners have someone close at hand to practice with. This obvious advantage may be accompanied by some drawbacks. If involuntary cuming has been a problem for some time, as wonderful as your partner may be, some emotional issues might surface when you broach the subject of Tantric sex and Orgasm Mastery. The emotions you might be met with - hesitance, resentment, disbelief, apathy, infuriation - can seem illogical until you develop some empathy for your lover’s situation. If you overreact to these reactions, you could blow the whole deal before you get started. Here are some suggestions that may help you to look at things from their viewpoint…

• Consider the way your long-term lover might be compensating for the state of your love life. Your partner might value other emotional needs - security, affection, companionship - higher than complete physical satisfaction. People have been known to live happily ever after while giving up something elusive (big orgasms) in exchange for something that’s important to them (like having those emotional needs met). If you propose changing this dynamic, in one sense you’re refusing to accept that sacrifice. If you think this might be the case, discuss how you value what your partner has done in the past and how these emotional needs could be met along with better sex.

• Maybe intercourse isn’t your partner’s favorite activity. Maybe you’re way more interested in sex. If either is the case, it makes sense that your Tantric program may not seem worth your partner’s effort. I wonder if your partner has ever really experienced ecstatic sex? If not, see if you can get your lover’s interest in the prospect of something much much better.

• Your partner may have concerns and objections to some of the consequences of the Ultimate Ecstatic Solution program. For example, extended lovemaking can cause soreness. Of course, the slow stop-start beginning is a good way to counter this concern. If sensitive tissues are an issue, you need to promise to be extra careful, conscious, and assertive about replenishing lubrication.

• A structured approach doesn’t work for everybody. Your partner may worry that you’ll become too clinical in bed and lose whatever heart-centered spontaneity you have. If so, explain that the structure is a temporary phase designed to permanently enhance your spontaneous love sharing. You can also propose to alternate making love with and without structure while going through this program.

• Some partners might react with “what’s in it for me?” Explain the promise of extended spiritual bliss. Or horsetrade if you have to, offering to do something your partner finds valuable. In other words, make a deal that works for both of you.

• Your partner’s fears may get in the way. Fear of failure or fear of being blamed for failure can block your chances of winning cooperation. Here’s where relating the great strides you’ve made can help. That’s why I’ve been urging regular check-ins throughout the Ultimate Ecstatic Solution. Reassure your lover of the 95% chance of success and that you won’t hold anything against them.

• Feeling coerced into helping or pressured into participating is no way to build a willing intimate partnership. If your lover feels this way, you need to go out of your way to let them make the choice entirely. Taking personal responsibility and always enlisting other’s permission are fundamental principles of Tantra.

• It’s not uncommon for people to resist change. Resistance like this often causes hidden insecurities to surface. Your partner might think “if he can last forever, will he still need me?” Reassure your partner that you’re doing this program partly to strengthen your love relationship, adding a powerful bonding energy you haven’t experienced very often.

• You’re partner may worry that your desire for better love skills is a ticket to polyamory (a lifestyle with open multiple lovers). Explain that the majority of Tantric couples are blissfully monogamous and that’s the right style for you. (If they read parts of this book, you might want to downplay my polyamorous lifestyle which isn’t a goal of Tantra or this program.) If other fears or objections come up, please email me at and let me know. What overall approach do you need to take to negotiate a cooperative partnership for the Ultimate Ecstatic Solution?

• Above all, enter into the discussion with patience and sensitivity.

• Though it may not be your past style, adopt the Tantric mindset of total gratitude for the gifts of the Goddess.

• Let your partner choose to play - don’t use force, pressure, or manipulation to enlist your lover’s help.

• Continue to provide reassurance of your love and commitment to the relationship.

• Make it clear that this program is designed to be a joint experience of deeper intimacy and bonding, giving you both everything you ever dreamed of.

• Finally, believe and explain to your partner that once you’ve both experienced higher and higher waves of ecstasy together through Tantric lovemaking, any memory of these concerns will pass away quickly.

If for any reason broaching these topics is too touchy for you, seriously consider some sessions with a qualified recommended local sex therapist. Jeffre and I have lots of experience with this sort of thing and are also willing to help with telephone counseling and coaching.